We are staying at my in-laws house in Utah for a few weeks.
The other night I was eating a string cheese in the kitchen when B came in from the bedroom with a stack of papers in his fist. Six little love letters, addressed to The Holbsboyfriend, written by me.
They're really bad.
Letter #1
(Written the day after my poor Holbsvirgo suffered a bout of salmonella poisoning - not pretty.)
(Also, it should be noted that my mother was onto something. My husband is a total puker.)
Holbsy!
I thought I had your sunglasses, but I was wrong.
We haven't left yet, surprise surprise. My mom has to clean the whole house top to bottom before going on a road trip, even if it's not her own house. We had a sheet fiasco. Mom had Alex strip the sheets and Alex took all the comforters off and tried to stuff them in the washer. It was quite the ordeal. Needless to say, we all now know the proper way to strip a bed.
My mom asked me a whole ton of questions about you and why you got sick last night, and then she said, "You don't want someone who's sick all the time, that's just weird." My mom is funny. I had to explain that you aren't sick all the time, and that it's a Virgo trait to have a picky stomach. After that she was fine.
Did you know I love you?
Love, NatalieTerribly unromantic. "I thought I had your sunglasses?" Nice opener!
Letter #2
Dear Holbsy,
I love you very much. I'm sorry I'm not so mushy and lovey dovey all the time, but that doesn't mean I don't love you - I just love you in a different way is all!
I'm excited to be engaged to you. I know you'll pick me a ring that is more beautiful than anything I could ever imagine. What matters most is that it's from you, and that it's a symbol of some kind of commitment crap.
I'm going to be wonderful to you. You support me in my crazy dreams, and I'll support you in yours, too.
Love, Nat(This one takes the cake.)
So, maybe I could work on my little love letter skills.
Oh that second letter is adorable!
ReplyDeleteMetaphors are mushy, as is alliteration:
"I long for your love as a bee longs for nectar." (Blech!)
Good luck - can't wait to hear it?
P.S. I miss your posts about Holbsjunior - how is the bump?
Pretty much loved the commitment crap line. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteHalf-starved monkey and strangle him, eh? Well, I confess, you are much more graceful at your non-mushiness than I. At least if you are going to do something, you better be good at it, is all I have to say, and you certainly take the cake for being all non-mushy! Thanks for the post to brighten my 4:00 AM insomnia!
ReplyDeleteI think yours are just fine. My tutelage would not aid you at all. You know what yours are, if not terribly sappy, is honest. My love letters were never that honest. What man can't appreciate that? Would your Holbs prefer instead a whole pack of lies about he is all awesome all the time? I prefer your teasing about his impatience and your needing an aspirin. That's what's endearing about them.
ReplyDeleteSo perhaps you should be tuteling us.
Oh, these letters kill me! Heh heh...
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to tell you what to write, but I'd say stay away from words like "crap" and omit anything that talks about wanting to strangle him, perchance? And when you're talking about his ideals and aspirations, maybe go to dictionary.com (where they also have a thesaurus!) and look up the antonyms. In fact, look up the antonyms for all the less-than-romantic words that naturally come to thy head, and maybe it'll sound a bit more...loving?
I loved this post, Natalie. I'm just sayin'...
I think all letters encompassed the emotions of a long relationship quite nicely.
ReplyDeleteYour poem had me in fits!
That poem was amazing! I don't think you need any tutoring at all! I'd be honoured to receive such words of love! The most romantic thing I've ever received is a rock with YOU ROCK written on it! Thanks for making my day, and I hope the move goes ok!
ReplyDeleteWell maybe not completely romantic, but certainly adorable and funny little letters you wrote. I don't know that I'm much better with letters, but if it helps, I started a page titled "Love Letters" on my blog a couple weeks ago.
ReplyDeleteCute letters! I think you did just fine on your own. I'm not too mushy myself. I think if I was, my husband would think I was up to something or doing something wrong. You know...romance out of guilt. Better to just not go that route.
ReplyDeleteYou are hilarious! I'm glad you found those letters and your hair is cute. :)
ReplyDeleteCheck out "Love Letter of Great Men." Also "Sonnets from the Portuguese" by Elizabeth Barrett Browning and "100 Love Sonnets" by Pablo Neruda. Very good jumping off points.
ReplyDeleteone of my favorite things i ever did was write my husb a series of really short little love letters but i made them sound all victorian or something. like he'd departed on a ship for america and i wouldn't hear word of his safe arrival for months. (even though he'd just departed for chicago for a three day weekend.) sometimes it's fun to take on a persona...it makes it seem less mushy and much more hilarious :)
ReplyDeleteI'd love you a million times over if you gave me a letter like that! I, too, lack in the mushy department..but sometimes I get it right...
ReplyDeleteYou are so funny! I had a roommate who wasn't mushy or sentimental either, and her fiance (now husband) totally was. They were doing the long distance thing while I lived with her, and he would send her these really cute packages to the "future Mrs. so and so," and she would just roll her eyes and get embarrassed. The rest of us roommates loved to give her a hard time about it (because she would get even more exasperated).
ReplyDeleteIt sounds to me that there are plenty of other ways that you show the Holbs that you love him. And the fact that you've devoted several posts to him is something of a love note, no?
The second letter is so sweet!
ReplyDeleteInstead of a letter, maybe you could just make a list of all the reasons you adore him? I recently hung from the ceiling 34 reasons I love my 34 year old. My kids helped. My hubby really loved the homemade present. Maybe this would be easier for your non-mushy self. However, I do love your letters from the past! They are just perfectly...you.
ReplyDeletefabulous!
ReplyDeleteHow bout an acrostic that spells out his name with each letter representing a reason you love him or something good about him.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, I have to tell you, this post cracked me up big time. I loved it!
Dear Holbsy,
We all know how amazing/wonderful/sexy/irritating/adorable/manly you are, and the only way we could have known is by what Natalie writes about you. If everyone here is a fan of yours, it's only because Natalie was a fan of yours first! ;-)
love it! especially the poem. cuz what girl hasn't wanted to hit a boy before?
ReplyDeleteperhaps you should do a mad libs love letter? i don't know. i don't think i'm publicly mushy, but i'm pretty sure some of the letters written during our mission days (or maybe even high school?) belie that thought. (now i have to go dig them out. see what happens.) i'm sure i was superfluous with all the loveydoveyness. ugh.
also, any love letters from Holbs to Nat, i now wonder?
ReplyDelete"it's a symbol of some kind of commitment crap" is all I think you ever need say, and he will love you FOR that, not in spite if it. You are hilarious.
ReplyDelete"some commitment crap!" ha! you make me laugh out loud ALL the time. thanks:)
ReplyDelete