Finding The Space

I am huge. There is not enough room for me in this tiny apartment! I turn around and I am smacking into walls. I try to squeeze through doorways but I suspect these doorways have shrunk!

I am big, and I make the trek from the bed to the bathroom six times a night, at least. Not because I have to, but because I want to, to break up the monotony of laying in bed all night unable to sleep. I do so enjoy the first three times I roll s-l-o-w-l-y from my left side to my right, bringing my pillow groupies with me for propping purposes, because at least it's interesting. But soon it starts to get old, so I start to think up excuses to use the bathroom, and sometimes a good idea comes to me halfway there and I stop to check my email, or eat a mini Snickers, or see if any of my neighbor's lights are on and I can catch them naked.

I discovered this morning with great alarm that it only takes me seven steps to get from one end of my apartment to the other.

Where in five-to-seven steps does one stash a baby?

I still can't believe there is a completely cooked person going on in here. A whole person! I can't get over this. How is he fitting in there? Things must be getting awfully cramped for him these days too.

We are full term now and on the one hand, I would very much like to not be pregnant anymore. I have wanted to be pregnant for so many years that it is quite disturbing to suddenly think of tampons with fondness.

We only have one drawer in our kitchen. I think about this sometimes because it's ridiculous. It's not even a drawer, really, it is a mini drawer. Who can get by on just one mini drawer for utensils? Me, I can do it. But it is barbaric! One drawer for utensils? Definitely barbaric. Also kind of thrilling, my sharp steak knives mingling coyly with my sweet and nice cereal spoons. It's an adventure every time I need a fork. Don't get stabbed!

One time Brandon went for a fork and shouted, "This drawer makes me sick!"

Drama!

Lately the conversations I have around town go like this: Congratulations! When are you due? What are you having? Do you have a name picked out? How are you feeling? Do you have a stroller?

I do not have a stroller.

I am looking about the apartment (it is probably 400 square feet, maybe) and not only do we not really have the budget for a stroller, we don't even have room for a stroller. So I've been telling myself I don't need a stroller, and that really cool girls like me are better off without a stroller. Except that, I super need a stroller. I need a stroller.

And so today, we bought a stroller.

So, actually, yes, I do have a stroller.

And it's just like I thought. There's really no room for a stroller up in here. It's just, right there. You can see it from everywhere.

Hi, stroller!

But it's like this. I came home from grocery shopping in the rain yesterday toting two grocery sacks, a paper bag from the hardware store, my purse, the keys to my apartment, my cell phone, the mail, and a bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper (necessity), and the second I opened the door and the dogs rushed up to say hello to me I thought to myself, "How am I carrying a baby in this scenario? And, where am I putting him once I get inside?" (Quick glance about the floor, eyeing the couch, watching the dogs scurry excitedly from one wall to the next), and then I thought to myself, OH BOTHER, I DO NEED A STROLLER.

So, we have a stroller. We picked it up on 95th and Amsterdam, it works from infancy through 50 pounds, and it is going to be our swing/bouncy seat/grocery cart/SUV/high chair/place for snacks/Forever 21 shopping bag holder/baby storage system.

And, okay then. The baby can come now.

Because now I have somewhere to put him.