TO BARNEY'S NEW FAMILY

hi. my name is natalie. my husband brandon and i are barnaby macduff's mom and dad. or, we were. until this morning.

this morning we drove the long drive to long island with barnaby macduff to hand him off to you, his new foster family. brandon is positively wrecked. barney was always his boy; the two of them have something very special. it breaks my heart to see my husband so lonesome for his puppy. though we know it is the right thing to do for barney, giving him the life and the yard that a good old dog like him deserves, it is incredibly, thoroughly sad for us. our family won't be the same without our little devil, and we are grieving him deeply. 

i thought i might tell you a little bit about our boy. so, here are some things you should know about sir barnabus macdufflestuff.

we adopted barney when he was just six weeks old, in a tiny town in northern idaho called moscow. i loved him the minute i saw him, i felt so strongly that we needed each other. so we brought him home. that first night and every night since he slept on brandon's chest, his great big head on brandon's shoulder, his wet sloppy nose in brandon's neck. 

he picked up potty training right away and very rarely had an accident in the house, but he does like to eat poo, so keep an eye out, and be wary with mouth-to-mouth displays of affection.

barney is an absolute terror and never passes up an opportunity to get into trouble. i mean, this dog can sniff potential havoc from a mile away and chase it down with one eye shut. mischief follows him around where ever he goes. he has impeccable taste for calamity and knows how to magically get into the tallest of garbage cans. here is some advice: when you leave for the afternoon, be sure to give him a proper good bye--a pat on the head, a tug on the beard, a description of where you are going and when you'll be back--or else you will come home to find every garbage receptacle upturned and a stash of licked-clean yogurt cups under the bed. in his delicious guilt he will wiggle and squiggle and corkscrew around the room, tap dancing on the hardwoods, until you "discipline him," which means you are to wag your finger at him and predict ominous ends for him and then give him a good noogie on the head. he is a sucker for that kind of thing. 

please be careful with barney around fast-moving kids, loud old men, and overly-friendly puggles. barnaby does not suffer puggles kindly, so do not tempt him. 

barney has always defended our family courageously. too courageously, at times. so please keep him safe and make sure he feels secure in his surroundings. and whatever you do, do not sing songs from the sound of music in too high of a pitch or else he will howl at you in confusion. 

barney loves bath time. don't forget the conditioner. he likes to have his hair trimmed and his ears cleaned and he will sit patiently as long as you need him to, so long as you tell him how handsome he is looking and my what a beautiful boy you are! 

never leave an open bag of dog food sitting around, he will eat the entire contents in one go and have to be rolled outside to potty. 

please appreciate the way the top of his head smells like grape jelly, and how nicely it complements the corn chip smell of his paws. he is like a little snack. 

don't get too friendly with his belly during belly rubs. he doesn't it when fingers get caught in his chest hairs. he will growl but he will not bite, but respect him please. he is a scottie, after all.

oh, i hope that you love him like we love him. but also i hope that you will love him even more. he is such a sweet, soulful old lover, with so much loyalty to give. he deserves the very, very best. 

leaving him today was the hardest thing i've ever done. before we left we scooped him up into our arms, kissed him all over, and took one last deep breath of his grape jelly head. he smelled soft and sweet from his bath last night. he smelled like home. as we drove away we stole one last glance at him, self-inflicted torture i suppose. it felt monumental and awful, like saying goodbye to our idaho, like saying goodbye to ourselves, but barney was too busy sniffing bruce's pant leg and inspecting the tires on their truck and watching a buzzing bumblebee flying over the flowers to notice his heartbroken old owners slowly driving away. we cried for miles. we'll cry for miles more yet.

we will raise henry to know all about his big brother barney, about what it means to care for a dog, and about how important it is to sacrifice for the ones we love. in a way, barnaby macduff will always be around. he will always be a part of our family.

my only request is that, sometimes, you'll take him off-leash in some big, grassy field, and let him chase those dastardly squirrels, his one sworn enemy, around and around and around until he collapses in an exhausted crumple of blissed-out bones and fur. and then, please pet him and stroke him, and pat him on his sweet grape jelly head, and tug on his long black beard and say, "you're good old boy, barneykins."

because he is.

he really, truly is.

love, 

natalie