today wasn't much of a day. i'm ready to wash it from the record. i'd probably wipe out yesterday too while i was at it.
i woke up grouchy and huck threw a massive tantrum and i tripped while trying not to spill chocolate milk on the floor and i banged up my knee and scraped up my elbow and then it rained on us at the playground. i've felt awful all day.
at least the photos turned out good.
the deal about fall is that it's hardly really here at all. right? maybe just for a few afternoons, when the sun shines just right, and there must be a chill, and if the clouds linger just so and the leaves float by slowly, there it is. fall. fall is wonderful precisely because it's so scarce. summer always bleeds too far in and the winter drops too soon. nothing about fall can last, not the colors, not the crispness, because in reality, fall is dying. fall is the death of nature. and it is beautiful. isn't that interesting? death is beautiful. do we recognize its beauty because it happens so fast and we can see it before our eyes? in real life, death is frightening because it sneaks up on us. we're young and we're young and then gradually and suddenly, we're not. but could it still be beautiful just the same?
huck is turning two on friday. i think about babies and i think about fall. it is precious and wonderful because we know we can't keep it. for hardly a moment it is here, chubby cheeks and it's finally cool enough for cute sweaters, but before long you'll have no idea how cute it is because it'll be hidden under an overcoat and he'll be going off to kindergarten. it is precious and wonderful because we know we can't stop it.
i've been doing my best to stop and notice the beautiful fall that's happening all around me while it's here. this afternoon it was gray, steel blue, and mustard yellow. and with the changing leaves and the moody skies and the tall sky scrapers and the taxi cabs i thought i could paint you up a little picture. a picture of a girl who is just doing her best.
your writing is beautiful in this post. what a great comparison.
ReplyDelete-Amy
http://theblankpagesblog.blogspot.com/
Sometimes you just hit the nail right on the head Natalie. I have officially begun to NEED to read your blog, you can put it on my list of addictions...along with slushies.
ReplyDeletethis is wonderful and beautiful and a perfect reminder. something so simple yet so poignant. what's strange is that before i read your words, while looking at the pictures, i thought how you can almost see the adult that your little boy will be, in the picture of him standing with the yellow car. something about the pose and the expression. and then your writing was about the fleeting time before it changes, before we all turn into the adults we'll be. thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeletein love with this post, these thoughts. perfectly captured a moment in your life, in life overall, i think.
ReplyDeleteNatalie, I have been reading your blog for a month now. And I agree with the comment above that says I NEED TO READ YOUR BLOG! I think fall is just a symbolism of enjoying every moment we have before it falls away. xoxox Ashleigh Son
ReplyDeleteThis post is exactly why I read your blog daily. Even if you don't post anything new. I read something old. Because your writing inspires my writing. And you are a fabulous writer. And those words you just wrote about the seasons, well, I've been thinking that same exact thing for awhile now and just haven't been able to put it into words. So, if you don't mind, I may quote you and send my readers your way soon. Because you just nailed it.
ReplyDelete& I hope your days get better. Those funky, not-so-great days are always terrible. And last wayyyyyy too long. :)
http://likeordinarylife.com
i was just gonna say that the baby looks older in the last two posts. and then you wrote...that. true.
ReplyDeleteoh Natalie, you are just lovely.
ReplyDeleteyour best is all your can do, natalie, and i think it is more than enough.
ReplyDeletethis is a classic. i feel the same way about spring - how quick it is. your writing about fall and the beauty of death will keep me thinking for a few days. thanks for sharing this natalie.
ReplyDeleteI love NY in the fall! Happy early birthday Huck!
ReplyDeleteyou and me both, girl. nothing gold can stay, right?
ReplyDeleteThese are great pictures. Isn't it funny how sometimes taking photos can make you better appreciate the beauty and loveliness in a day that seems anything but?
ReplyDeleteso good.
ReplyDeleteRobert Frost wrote about this very idea. The poem is called "Nothing Gold Can Stay." Check it out!
ReplyDeleteAll of the Halloween decor there is so creative! I've never seen anything like it here! Such a beautiful and perfect description of fall! That's exactly why it is my favorite season.
ReplyDeletethis is so true. love the pics of huck :)
ReplyDeleteThis is just so beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI love your blog. Every single day I read it and every single day I love it more.
Thanks so much for writing, Natalie!
You know what's wonderful? Tomorrow's a new day. Hoping you wake up to good thoughts, a happy baby and maybe a little something sweet too. xo.
ReplyDeletelove this post and I do love fall too; I wish it could be longer! PS: no worries on the UT/germy thing offending people. I know I certainly don't get offended by that kind of thing, and I am even one of the few who asked about why it was germy, just curiosity on my part. Being offended is such a waste of time and energy! Hope your day is better tomorrow :)
ReplyDeleteI just want to agree that being offended is a waste of time and energy!!!
DeleteI've been thinking of you lately, this must be a tough milestone. Hang in there, you find the beauty so well and your hindsight and ability to make peace with struggle is a gift. Kiss Huck's cheeks, 2 is a beautiful age!
ReplyDeleteI really like the thing you wrote about death. What a lovely thought. :)
ReplyDeleteYou, beautiful you... that is all.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that that grey bloggy sky opened up right over your house and dumped. But, I'm glad to see you've popped open an umbrella in the form of a quintessentially YOU post and, well, here's hoping that the sun peeks through and warms you and your dear soul.
I love everything about this post!! Your description was perfect. As were your pictures. I miss the fall time in the city!
ReplyDeletexo, ciara
thecrosscontamination.blogspot.com
having one of those fall realizations too...both beautiful and frustrating on so many personal and seasonal levels...
ReplyDeleteWishing you better than "meh" days soon!
ReplyDeleteTheresa
http://bomamma.blogspot.com
So I have thought to myself that your boy reminds me of my boy and maybe they are about the same age. Turns out they are exactly the same age. Joe turns 2 on Friday also. Two is a bittersweet age because a baby dies and a boy is born, just. like. that.
ReplyDeleteYou have the most beautiful mind.
ReplyDeleteThe decorations are spooky!
ReplyDeletethis blogpost is a piece of beauty
ReplyDeleteYou painted a beautiful pictures and a true one. And your best is way more than enough. xx
ReplyDeleteMeh, you have to take the good days along with the bad, right? You're a strong mama and despite the tantrum I am sure that your little guy loves his strong mama to bits! Chin up and enjoy Hucks birthday! How special you've been a mama for two years now :-)
ReplyDeleteSal x
natalie, i don't know how you do it. you fill each post with equal parts wonderfully sarcastic humor/wit and beautifully written, pull-at-my-heart-strings magic. i hope the mood brightens for you soon. whatever your down in the dumps about will come to pass someday.
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful blog post, melancholy and all. It reminds me of this Robert Frost poem:
ReplyDeleteNature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
That is so funny! My husband & I were just discussing this same topic a few days ago! It is so interesting to me that the death of leaves is so beautiful when for everything else it's so sad. Very intriguing. Love the pics!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you fell! Sometimes we are entitled to have a grouchy day. Every once in a while, anyway...
ReplyDeletetomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it... yet!
ReplyDeleteFall is definitely for those type of days - I feel ya, sista.
ReplyDeleteBut there will be plenty of beautiful and lively flowers come spring :)
Suddenly City
This post reminds me of your Idaho ones. It's beautiful. Keep writing, Natalie. Your blog continues to be an inspiration to me (and others, I can tell).
ReplyDeleteThis Houstonian is CRAZY CRAZY jealous at your brand of fall. Deal Lord, it's like humid and hot here still. I'm about to scrap my son's monster costume and have him go as a loinclothed Tarzan instead. FRIGGIN HOT!
ReplyDeletethis here post is a beauty.
ReplyDeletei have a love/hate relationship with fall.
fall, to me, is being hugely pregnant, and insanely happy. fall is the scent of my newborn.
but that was 10 years ago.
i miss those days terribly.
I couldn't have said it better. Thank you for explaining it so beautifully:)
ReplyDeleteCheers to fall and chubby little sweaters:)
Anna
Thank heavens for bad days. They're not fun, but they're clarifying.
ReplyDeletePlease write a book. I could read hundreds of pages written just like this post.
ReplyDeleteLove those Halloween decorations! Love your thoughts on Fall.
ReplyDeletehttp://theloveliestlittlethings.blogspot.com/
You are gorgeous and your son is adorable :) I wish I were in NYC right now
ReplyDeletewww.studentswife.com
Beautiful post!
ReplyDeleteLove the photos!! Huck is such a cutie.
ReplyDeleteThis. This is beautiful. This gives us all something to think about, while also giving us a window into your life. . .which I think is the best of what a blog can be. Please accept my apology for being the cause (I assume) of your bad day. Actually, I know mine was the first upset comment, but I have no idea what came after that because I wasn't online at all the next day, and then you deleted my comment and I'm assuming several after it. So I guess it could have gotten even worse. But either way, it was really immature of me to get personal in my criticism of your piece. I stand by bringing your attention to the way that part of the post came across, but I'm really ashamed of myself for being so heated about it. I certainly never wanted to be the cause (or part of it) of you being sad or hurt. Sorry bout that.
ReplyDeleteWhat a cool perspective. I love this! And the pictures really did turn out well :)
ReplyDeletelove this
ReplyDeleteI've never posted on your blog before but I felt compelled to today. This post is beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. You are a gorgeous writer and I love reading your blog.
ReplyDeleteSuch fabulous pics!
ReplyDeleteChocolate might help. You deserve it. You might be at the point that you need a good book, a cosy blanket, and a glass of red wine to go with the chocolate.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written. I loved this post. Thank you. :-)
ReplyDeleteFantastically written and well put!
ReplyDelete