SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL

MARISSA NADLER - "WEDDING"

you should totally watch this.
it is a gorgeous and amazing and completely captivating piece of choreography. 

via fieldguided.

F I V E

i was tagged on instagram a few weeks ago (twice!) for that whole five-things-about-me business. it instantly stressed me out, so i decided to ignore it. but, you know, as you do. . . . here we are, old school style! in a BLOG. take that, instagram!

FIVE. THINGS. TADUHHHHH.

// 1 // 

if ever i can't sleep at night i like to mentally rehearse the figure skating routine i made up for myself when i was eleven years old, back when i was fairly certain i had the life of a gold-medal olympic figure skater ahead of me. i choreographed it the summer after kristi yamaguchi took gold, and it is set to the carpenter's christmas portrait oh holy night. there are so many triple salchows in that routine, and i always nail every single one of them. but nude ice skates though, not white. and lots of sparkles.

// 2 //

i can memorize the lyrics to a song, any song, the entire song, on first listen. this is only a slight exaggeration. this skill has come in handy approximately once in my life.

// 3 //

i'm super double jointed in my fingers, but most especially in my pinkies. 

// 4 //

here are four things that i've done that i always forget that i've done and that always make me go "ohh yeah! weird!": i lived in south korea when i was in kindergarten, i skipped the 8th grade when i was in, uh, 7th grade, i convinced my orthodontist to take my braces off for senior prom (he put them back on a week later), and i once worked as a live model in the windows of the limited on saturday afternoons at the mall (how could anyone forget THAT?! ;).

// 5 //

i have very small teeth. they match my very small face. not only are my teeth very small, but also i am missing six of them. two molars, and all four of my wisdom teeth. they just never grew in. this is a lovin family hand-me-down, tiny teeth. aren't you jealous. huck and i like to brush our tiny teeth together at night, it's sort of the best part of our funny little bedtime routine. he always laugh-cries when it's time for me to get to his molars and the backs of his front teeth. sort of a, "this is freaking me out but we're having fun still, right mom?" kind of laugh.

p.s. i gave birth to the world's cutest kid ever. but maybe you knew that already? ;)

LATE WINTER CANDY MAKING

the other night i got a little silly with some of our heart-shaped marshmallows and a few bags of candy melts.

i almost never get crafty ideas and it's even rarer that i actually execute those ideas, so when i thought this one up and then actually went through with it it felt like a real documentable moment in my life, is what.

and THEN i was thinking, how fun would it be to host a little alice in wonderland-style tea party with these? who's coming over? mostly all i really have is smooth move tea though, is that okay? 

the finished product are currently living in my valentine twilight candy heart tin brandon gave me, hidden away in the treat cupboard where huck can't see them and ask for them for every meal. i should probably just throw them all away, except edward cullen keeps staring at me from the lid just-so, and i sort of like it.

byyyyy the wayyyyyy,  in case you're out of marhsmallows but NOT out of chocolate. THIS.

babble!

RED SHOES AND (dot dot dot)

SPRING TREND REPORT: BEANIES BEANIES BEANIES
THE VERY BEST SLOUCHY TEES
and THREE forever 21 posts !

ONE and TWO and THREE

and in the great beauty experiment:

DRY BRUSHING 101, and its companion piece, THE BEST BODY LOTIONS ON THE MARKET

and this one was fun to write: CAN A PERSON LEARN TO BE PHOTOGENIC?

and now, unrelated to anything at all: 

the trailer for the new documentary FINDING VIVIAN MAIER. 

this film looks incredible.

AROUND THE CITY // AROUND THE HOUSE

▲ ▲ ▲

we've fallen into a pretty predictable routine this winter, and i have to say i really love it. a good routine just makes me really happy, that's all there is to it.

our winter routine starts with slow mornings. we take our time getting ready and send daddy off to work with kisses, and then in the afternoons we book it. we crawl all over our frozen city in a millions layers, running errands, hitting playschool and all of hen's toddler social activities, usually stopping for lunch, only coming home when the setting sun forces us in.

then it's dinner and laundry and emails and baths, and sometimes i like to wear my work out clothes while loading the dishwasher just in case tonight is the night i finally make it to the treadmill in the basement.

i just think it's great.

after running around the city all afternoon, our quiet nights at home feel sweet and rewarding. we take off our shoes (aaaaaand our pants) restock the cabinets of their dishes and tidy the house, and set the scene for tomorrow when we'll do it all over again.

(thank you to albion fit for sending me some motivational work out gear. 

i think it'll help the cause!)

ON THE END OF NURSING

over the years that huck + i have nursed i've taken a lot of quick photos to document it. i know that may seem weird, but i wanted a visual reminder of what a wonderful blessing nursing was in my life. i'd like to share a few of the more "subtle" of them here with you in this post. because i am not at all squeamish about nursing boobs, and i hope that none of you are, either. :)

three years ago, on a wednesday in mid february, i found out i was pregnant.

almost exactly three years to the day later i nursed that baby to sleep for the very last time.

he was ready.

i was not.

i really, really like nursing. and i did not want to wean. though i suppose two and a half is a pretty decent time to stop, if you have to. so why has this been so hard for me?

nursing this baby has been, in the thirty years i've been alive, my favorite thing i've ever done. not the best, not the most impressive--i mean, come on i do have ambitions outside of being a mother (and i'm sure potty training will feel like quite the braggable feat)--but my very most favorite, and such an honor. i have loved these years as a nursing mother. i am so horribly sad to see it end. 

a part of me is in mourning.

when i think about our last nurse together, in the quiet of his dark bedroom while i stroked his hair and hummed our favorite song, still an entire week later, it makes me want to cry.

i wasn't ready. i wasn't ready.

i would have happily nursed indefinitely. huge fan of extended breastfeeding here. had it not been for this damn body of mine, and the fact that getting pregnant might take some real big guns this time around, i'd happily have nursed for forever.

and that huck, he's all big boy now. since we stopped nursing, he has thrived. he was ready. i'm proud of myself for seeing the signs and letting it happen.

why do i miss it? isn't this backwards? shouldn't i be so happy that it's over? aren't most women? i'm hoping all this really means that i'm not supposed to be finished with nursing yet.




so therein lies the trick. i am weaning for another baby. a baby i believe is coming . . . eventually. a hopefully-soon baby. i am stopping out of faith that in stopping there will come another beginning.

it's been so hard for me to remember that. especially when i'm sitting here missing the nursing and feeling sort of a little sorry for myself.

so, weaning. it turns out we women are our own worst enemies and we don't talk about this stuff with each other nearly often enough and so i'm going to talk about it. because weaning su-u-ucks.

weaning feels like the first trimester of pregnancy all over again. we're talking mood swings. mood mother effing SWINGS. and engorgement. oh holy boobs of fire.

other common side effects of weaning: hot flashes, night sweats, bloating (bloating, i got the bloating), head aches, light nausea, irritability, engorgement leading to possible mastitis...

isn't this fun? let's all wean every day!

this craving for the weight of a baby in my arms as we nurse, this is a good thing. this is that time in my life, and i am working in that direction. 

it's like giving up breakfast so you can eat more at lunch . . . or something.

it's like taking a leap before knowing whether or not there's something to land on.

it's like that scene in indiana jones and the last crusade. i mean, not to be overly dramatic about it or anything.

most nights, after henry falls asleep without needing to nurse, i start to feel real sorry for myself. i'm being so silly about it, i know that. but i don't know when i'll get to nurse a baby again, it's this big unknown. and so in a way it feels a little bit like something i loved was torn from me.

i wasn't ready, i wasn't ready.



but the thing is. i am ready.



i am ready. and now, i am one step closer.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! LOVE, CUPID AND HIS MOTHER

photos via isabelle selby

i hope your valentine's day is full of people to love up and smiles from strangers.

(thank you to isabelle selby for these beautiful, beautiful photos! love ya!!)

DAY IN THE LIFE // WEDNESDAY EDITION

wednesday, february 13

// 8AM and we're fully immersed our morning routine. dishes, laundry, email. huck eats his yogurt and i check the weather and then we get dressed. i have a lunch appointment with my editor at noon and no sitter to be found, so we have some serious wiggles to get out of the boy before we make our way south. my house is feeling very "lived in" this morning, which is my sounds-nicer euphemism for "messy." i just looked over and . . . yup. that box is still sitting there. rockin it! 

/// it's sunny and almost 40 degrees out. we hit playground first thing. it is snowy and abandoned and huck plays hard and fast until his little toes start to freeze.

 // we're out of there just in time! when the daycare groups show up it gets real hectic real fast. sooo many toddlers. these daycare strollers never stop amazing me. six babies in there! 

 // we stop at the neighborhood bagel joint to get henny some egg and cheese on a plain before heading downtown. i'm hoping he'll fall asleep in the stroller on the way and stay asleep through lunch. (it's his usual nap time--fingers crossed) i throw in a little pre-meeting "be a good boy" strawberry milk bribe, for good measure. so nutritious. good one, mom! 

 // waiting on the train

 // huck's gotten really good at holding onto the subway pole like a big boy. pass the hand sanitizer please.

 // while passing 34th street (where there's inexplicably good reception) i get an email from my editor saying she is running late, so we get off a stop early and kill some time wandering through washington square, our favorite park in the city. huck promptly falls asleep in his stroller. atta boy!

 // i'm a lucky girl to have such a good friend for an editor, and i love our sporadic lunch meetings. we meet at lure fish bar on prince and mercer. huck wakes up just as the check is signed. atta boy, huck!

// we decide to wander around soho in the sunshine for a bit. soho is my favorite spot in the city to photograph. and i say we but really, this isn't a democracy. *i* decide to walk around soho for a bit. huck decides to be rather pleasant about it because he's a nice friend. we split a black and white cookie for dessert and i decide top shop is overrated. 

// we get home and i start on dinner. i like to eat at 4pm like a grandma. also, i'm on a stir fry kick lately. this one's a vegetarian thai noodle that i accidentally over-sauced. still pretty good though!

// quick sugar hit, then bath, books, boobs, and bed time for the boy. once he's down we end the night with a little grey's anatomy, and i toss a few batches of sugar cookies in the oven for tomorrow's valentine's party with of huck's friends. and then i call my baby brother to wish him a happy birthday. he is EIGHTEEN today!