PERSPECTIVE

would you look at that gray sky? it's pretty spectacular.

right, so i have been thinking about perspective. do you know what i think is the trick about spring? i think the trick is perspective. also realistic expectations. but mostly perspective. spring is the most erratic season. it's always rainy, and cold, and kind of awful. but where did i get the idea that spring is supposed to be all mid 70's and mild anyway? i'm hearing this a lot when we're out and about running errands and hitting all the important playgrounds on our to-do list. i hear it from strangers on the street, employees at the post office, my dry cleaner guy... they say, "it was such a long winter!" and "i can't wait for spring to get here!" meanwhile it's 55 and blustery outside, the trees are beginning to bud, and there are blossom petals littering the sidewalks like confetti. so hey, guess what. this is it! i mean, it's still cold and it sucks, but it must be spring if the trees are agreeing it's spring and the daffodils are on board and even the tulips are going along with it.

i'm just as guilty of this as everyone else is, i've said the same thing myself. when is spring going to get here? i hope we don't blow right past spring and go straight into summer! (summer in the city will melt your face off along with your will to live) (we're talking swamp city) (like, SWAMP CITY). but that greenish halo around increasingly less-naked trees, and weather that changes from sunny + warm to raining sideways with a single gust of wind, well, maybe that's what spring is supposed to be like? once i thought of it that way, suddenly i felt like, well yeah! this is spring and it's pretty great, now you mention it.

i typically feel hit and miss about spring. i'm much more of a fall girl, myself (says every girl on planet earth), but this year, i don't know, this year spring is really doing something for me. my benadryl-as-sleeping-aid bit has kept the allergies at bay (also minimizes the puffy eyes come morning--you should try it!), somehow my wardrobe has been supportive of things and i haven't felt over- or under-dressed for the weather just yet, i feel like i'm getting my fill of spring-appropriate blossoms, and the level of tulip in the city has been just about perfect... what more could you need, really? spring, i am satisfied with you. slow claps. maybe this is because i have developed for myself some startling low expectations about things, but also i think it mostly has to do with perspective.

like, here is some perspective for you: my two boys have the exact same hair color. but what's red on brandon's lovely head looks pretty darn blonde on huck most of the time. how does that work? 

some more perspective for you: my husband is going gray. it's really, really good. those gray temples make me exceedingly happy. isn't he devastatingly handsome? stop gushing. my point is, brandon is old. he is an old man. when my dad was brandon's age, i was.... 15. fifteeeeeeeen. that weirds me out if i think about it, so i won't.

but somewhere along those lines is this, too: i am still pretty infertile these days. i feel really behind on things. as far as the career quota of motherhood is concerned, i am a depressingly low-output employee. but when i was huck's age, my next sister amanda was only just barely here. so, i'm really only just slightly behind my mother in this manner, for now, anyway. and that's been really comforting. (though, at my age, my mom already had three kids, sooooo.)

how about that silly new-fangled skyscraper next to the monuments at columbus circle? those monuments are pretty old school, as far as monuments go. huck + brandon + i sat at those fountains a few weekends ago and invested about forty-five cents worth of wishes into it while people-watching. huck wished for a bicycle, three whole times.

or how about that this place exists at all in this city, just a few subway stops into brooklyn? drive ways and all!

so, perspective. age helps with perspective. parenthood adds a whole different level of perspective. and taking a step out of normalcy for a period of time to experience all sorts of new, odd emotions adds a ton of perspective. my thirties so far have been this weirdly amazing, wonderfully defining time. i've been accidentally but pretty consistently sorting through all the things and habits and beliefs of my first bit of life, deciding what should and shouldn't be kept, and reframing what stays for my next bit of life. it's been really neat to experience. things like faith, love, worth, value, and all the different roles i take on as life comes and goes, it's all changing. sometimes slowly, like a budding tree, unfurling gradually until one day the brown has become green, sometimes quickly, like a strong gust of wind, bringing in rain. 

i like spring. i think i get it.

related: you should watch this. serious.

OVERVIEW from Planetary Collective on Vimeo.